i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
