How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
