The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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