Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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