3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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