Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
