I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
