and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is Oprah even human
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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