Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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