i think my tv is drunk
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
