I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
