What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
