I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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