Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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