woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
