eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
