you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
