Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
