I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
