someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
