im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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