There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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