Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
