Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
