So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
