Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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