I feel like I'm in dance class right now
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Green mimosas i think yes
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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