I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
