I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
