I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
