I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
