He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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