Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My pussy is not your playground.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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