Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
