So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
