i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This is my gift to your gina
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
