i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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