Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
