Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
