How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
