Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's never too late to be topless.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
