Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
