I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
