I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
