i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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