# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
