I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
