Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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