Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
