I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
