Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are all done wearing pants today
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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