peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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