I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
